The "Facebook Message" Bible

So I was reading the infamous chapter 11 of 2 Samuel where David basically stalks Bathsheba and uses his kingly powers to "lay with her" even though she was married to Uriah. The thought came to mind while I was reading that King David would have been the first and worst Facebook stalker if he had access to it. I decided to tweet it and see what the response would be. After a little feedback I thought about what would happen if Mark Zuckerberg, creator of Facebook, and Euguene Peterson, translator of The Message Bible, teamed up for a new version. It would of course be aptly called "The Facebook Message."

Here is an excerpt from 2 Samuel 11:1-5 of The Facebook Message:

King David decided not to go out to war that season even though he was an amazing warrior. Instead he decided to chill on the roof of his palace and check Facebook all day while everyone else was gone. As he was doing so, he stumbled upon the ...photo of a beautiful woman he had never met before in his entire life. He clicked on it and saw she was from Jerusalem. Some other photos were public, but not enough information for him to get the best idea. He saw that they had a mutual friend so he contacted that person who also happened to work for him to see if he could get more information. That’s where he learned that she was married to this guy Uriah (her profile pic didn’t have him in it). He told this mutual friend that he had to meet her now, and, being the King, was able to do it. This mutual friend told her that David was FB stalking her and wanted to see her. Because he was King she came. Then he "poked" her. After a little while later she sent him a message on FB – “I am pregnant.”

We always trip on Facebook stalkers. We joke around about how they are creepy or even how we Facebook stalked someone that day. I know that my "translation" may seem a bit crass, but it does expose that even "a man after God's own heart" can be one jacked up cat who needs redemption.

By His Grace.