It's 10:22 pm and I'm just getting started. We finished watching Mamma Mia! about 15 minutes ago and the most dominant thought in my mind after that is, "I really love my wife." Full disclosure: I totally fell asleep, but for those wakeful moments I pretended I lived in a world where husbands got points for sitting through movies like that with their wives and I ended up coming in first place this Friday night.
It's Friday night. I'm still tired from a long day and a long week. My eyeballs are burning and in need of a good massage. Since I started blogging regularly again, I've noticed that I'm going to bed closer to midnight.
Just five days ago I set out to write everyday. On the one hand I knew what that meant. I knew it wouldn't always be convenient or fun, that sometimes I would just have to hunker down and get something out there. But in the zeal of the moment and the thought of what it could be, I resolved to push through.
And now I'm on the other hand, the Big Fat Hand of Reality. The BFHR is Friday night at 10:30; it's wondering what I'm going to write about; it's 4 people who've subscribed to this blog so far, two of whom include my wife and me; it's the questions and doubts of a venture like this that start to creep in. The BFHR can be a crusher, squeezing me out of ever getting up to open my computer; it can convince me that I can skip writing "just this one night, especially since no one will fault me for that." The BFHR has always pretended to be a friend (is BFF too much here?), acting as if it is looking out for my best interest. I confess that way too many times I've followed the BFHR's direction and I've been crushed nearly every time. Don't you hate it when the BFHR gets the best of you too?
This time, I'm choosing to hustle. I'm choosing to freaking run away from the BFHR and do what I set out to do. Instead of glamorize the times of discipline and hard work, pretending they will be easy and admirable traits of future pursuits, I choose to live in them now and rely on them to destroy the BFHR.
I'm a writer and I'm choosing to write. I am hustling like no one is watching because that's when it matters most. I'd love to have a huge audience of people who read this, but there's no way I will ever be able to write for an audience of 4,000 or 4,000,000 if I can't hustle for the 4. And back in the day I would let the fact that I have a small audience discourage me from continuing. That's just the BFHR and I say that's silly and immature. This is the hard work that needs to be done and doesn't need to be praised or acknowledged. It just needs to happen.
So if you read this, I first want to say thank you. You could be reading a million other blogs or articles and for some reason you are reading this and have found some of it to be valuable. Keep doing that and, if you have a little more time, share it with a friend or two on the FB or Twitters. But second, I know many of you who read this are like me and have let the stupid BFHR stop you from going after something in your life that means so much to you. I hope you'll join me in doing everything you can to stop it. I hope you'll join me in the hustle.